


Big Blowhards

by AnonEhouse



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Height Differences, Humor, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-07
Updated: 2017-09-07
Packaged: 2018-12-25 03:22:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12027042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: What if the Spear in The Avengers didn't work quite as it was supposed to, making our heroes all quarrel, blowing things up out of proportion?This is a short fic.





	Big Blowhards

"Big man in a suit of armor, take that off, what are you?"

Tony grinned. "Five foot, eight. That's barefoot. So, remove the super soldier serum, what were you?"

Steve blinked. "Five foot, four."

Tony held out his hand. "Fist bump, tiny bro."

Bemused, Steve bumped his hand against Tony's.

"Hey," Bruce said, "I'm five, eight."

"My Corsican bro!" Tony said, leaping over to fist bump him.

Natasha said, "Five, three."

"SISTER!" Tony almost hugged her, but paused. "Fist bump?"

Natasha rolled her eyes and then fist bumped.

They turned to look at Thor. Thor shuffled his feet. "I am six feet, three of your inches. Is being puny something in which to take pride?"

"No," Nick Fury said. "Six foot, two," he replied to the unspoken question.

"Admire your tall horse, then go saddle your small horse," Natasha said sagely. Everyone looked at her. "It is an old Russian proverb," she lied.

Tony huffed and changed the subject. "Bullies."

Steve narrowed his eyes and looked at Thor and Fury. "Whyn't you go pick on someone your own size?"

"Yeah," Tony said and linked arms with Bruce.

Natasha sneaked around and picked up the scepter. "I am NOW EMPRESS of the world!"

Then Clint blew up the helicarrier. Bruce Hulked out. Natasha whacked Bruce in the chest with the scepter as he was turning Hulkish. "Down, big boy," she said.

Hulk grunted and knelt. Natasha climbed onto his back."Smash LOKI!" she told Hulk, and they thundered off.

Tony looked at Steve. "I guess we should save the helicarrier?"

"Our Empress would probably like that," Steve replied. They ran out, hand in hand.

Thor looked at Fury. "Tiny people. So silly."

Fury nodded.

**Author's Note:**

> (Note: A bit of fluff I wrote mostly because I'm awaiting Hurricane Irma, and am nervous. Crack!fic soothes. Also I have Fritos. Also I am 5'1". FEAR my TINY WRATH.)


End file.
